step by step

so i've got a sweet little garden, all to myself. i call it a "garden" because i live in england and that's what we call the space outside the back of our flats, regardless of whether or not it actually has grass in it. luckily, mine does.

don't ask me why, but i get SUPER worked up every time mom and dad open up the door to let me out there. i'm LITERALLY programmed to hear the tingle the keys make, and no matter where i am in the flat, i'm booking it to the door. i just can't WAIT to check out the new smells and scare off any sneaky birds or squirrels who are up in my space. also, i have to pee.

i guess the rents don't like all the racket i make for this daily event, because they've clearly conspired against me and now there's a whole process that goes into letting me out. a PROCESS to be let out to my own darn garden!

because i think you should care, it goes a little something like this:

STEP 1 - PATIENCE

i have a little seat out in the hall with the lure of treats above me and the knowledge of knowing i'll be outside soon coaxing me into sitting quietly and VERY still.


STEP 2 - EAGER BEAVER

i sneak a peak around the corner, bursting at the seams to get out there. i'm SORRY mom - i couldn't take the SUSPENSE.


STEP 3 - REPEAT STEP 1

back in my box. damn.


STEP 4 - LET'S DO THIS!

run as FAST as i can out the door. not a second to waste!


STEP 5 - INVESTIGATE

at this point a lot of huffing and puffing ensues as i'm nose-to-the-ground, smelling every blade of grass for the scent of intruders. and if i find one? it's OVER. (i bark a lot.)


STEP 6 - VICTORIOUS

having peed everywhere so there's no mistake about whose territory this is, i stand on my perch for all to see - tucker, king of this GARDEN!


the end.